Chapter 9: A Temporary Setback

Yes, it's true, I have failed. While I'm certainly proud of what I've accomplished in the last month or so, I realize that it still doesn't take much to trip me up. Case in point: Kraft pizza. You know, the little box that contains the flour, sauce, herbs, and some parmesan cheese. The one with explicit, seemingly idiot-proof instructions plastered on the back, complete with diagrams. Diagrams!! You don't even have to be able to read to make a Kraft pizza, you just make sure your hands and cooking tools are in the same position as the little pictures on the box! Ah, but the fine folks at Kraft have never run into someone like me. Someone who, given the right set of circumstances, could easy catch a bowl of soup on fire.

So, there I was, in the mood for pizza. Sure, I could just order it, but where's the challenge in that? These days, I want to actually make things. After all, that's the reason I started this little experiment...and besides, I've made sauteed chicken, chocolate chip banana bread, homemade pancakes, etc, etc. I wouldn't even break a sweat on something like this! Brimming with confidence, I tore into the box and looked over the contents. With a smug smile on my face, I poured the flour into a mixing bowl, and gradually poured in the recommended amount of water, already assured of my victory. "Mix the flour into a ball with your hands, cover, and place in a warm area for 10 minutes", it said. Easy enough, I responded. After that was done, I sat down and watched some of the latest episode of the always classy Maury while I waited. After cheering along with the TV crowd over some "DNA drama" for 10 minutes, I wandered back into the kitchen to finish the job.

I anxiously took the cover off the bowl, and found...a still sopping wet, tiny ball of gross flour. What the hell?? This wasn't part of the plan! Where was my beautifully risen pizza dough? Suddenly, the plan came to a devastating stop. First round knockout...Adam had been sent crashing to the canvas by the upstart challenger, Kraft Pizza. When I recovered from the shock of my defeat, I grabbed the disgusting sphere and launched it into the garbage, complete with all the other contents of the box. Wasteful? Yes, but I didn't care. Cursing a fit of words mere mortals should never have access to, I stormed all the way down to the dumpster on the side of the apartment building and threw the bag of filth in there, thankful I would never see it again.

Yes, I've come a long way, but I have an even longer way to go. Oh, well, it's all about the journey!

Andiamo!!